


Death Wish

by purple_bookcover



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Alcohol, Anal Sex, Before Battle, M/M, War, hopeless battle, night before a battle
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-05
Updated: 2020-10-05
Packaged: 2021-03-08 01:48:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,366
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26843884
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/purple_bookcover/pseuds/purple_bookcover
Summary: It is the night before another hopeless battle. Felix and the Blue Lions suspect they are going to die, if not today then soon. That emboldens Ashe to get a little tipsy and follow Felix to his tent with a singular proposal:"I'm going to ride you better than you deserve."
Relationships: Ashe Duran | Ashe Ubert/Felix Hugo Fraldarius
Comments: 10
Kudos: 58





	Death Wish

The knife Felix cleaned wavered before his eyes. Something about the firelight gleaming along the blade, the darkness beyond the firelight, the drink swirling in Felix’s head – they made the blade weave as he watched it.

It was still better than the alternative, though. 

“Felix.” 

Someone sat heavily beside him. The conversation around the fire quieted, a tense hush replacing it. The person beside Felix leaned close. He could smell the alcohol on their breath when they spoke his name again.

“Felix, look at me.”

He did, glancing aside, trying to glare. He wasn’t sure how well he managed it. Ashe wavered like the knife blade, a mirage sitting beside him, flickering in and out of reality as the firelight cracked and snapped. 

Everything about this place was miserable: The fire with its ineffective warmth, the watery booze only making him drunk because he was starving and exhausted, the wretched tent he would sleep in tonight. They were here to defend this city, to keep Edelgard out of it, but more likely they’d simply die when she arrived. They were too hungry, too tired, too beaten down. Dimitri’s army was spread too thin. They were trying to defend half a dozen cities like this one. It was only a matter of time until one of them fell. 

And there was Ashe, sitting there outrageously beautiful in the brutal firelight, all the more horribly lovely for how fragile they all were as they faced down death. 

Felix dropped the knife. What did it matter? One knife wouldn’t stop Edelgard. It was a weapon of last resort, a weapon for when his sword failed and his only potential consolation was stabbing his executioner as he died. 

He retrieved his flask from the ground, taking another sip. The alcohol burned its way down his throat, burned all the way to his belly. It was the strongest stuff he had left, best saved for when there was no time left, no chance to waste it. Felix took another drink. 

“You can just look at me if you want to look at me,” Ashe said. “I saw you watching across the fire.” 

“Ashe,” someone hissed. 

Someone else choked on their drink. 

“There are better ways to die, Ashe,” Sylvain said. “In fact, we’ll probably find a few tomorrow. You don’t need to go out like this.” 

Ashe just leaned closer, so close the heat of his body outshone the meager fire. 

Felix looked, fully looked, turning his body as well as his head. Ashe startled back just a tick before steadying and meeting Felix’s challenge. 

“What do you want?” Felix said.

Ashe shrugged, holding his ground. Felix refused to back down, but the longer he stared the harder that became. Ashe truly was beautiful. If his hair was streaked with gray and not just silver after these long, harrowing moons of warfare, it only made it shimmer as the fire rippled over it. If his eyes had become more tired from the endless marching, that only added depth to their softness. If the horrors of this long fight had hollowed out his cheeks and carved lines into his face, that only made its lovely angles and curves more pronounced. 

It was infuriating.

Felix turned away and took another another drink. Ashe slid closer so their legs touched, placing his hand right on Felix’s knee. Across the fire, someone sucked in a sharp breath. 

“Let’s just go,” Annette whispered.

“He’s gonna die,” Sylvain said. “I’m not even joking.”

“Yeah, well, it’s not our problem,” Annette said. “We’re all probably gonna die.”

Sylvain grumbled, but Felix heard him get up, heard several people get up. The space around the fire shrank as silence filled the places where his comrades had been sitting. Now, there was only the close, warm pocket where Ashe sat, far too near, his hand lingering on Felix’s knee. 

Ashe leaned in. This time, he left no space, allowing his lips to brush against Felix’s skin as he spoke. 

“If there’s something you want, you should just take it.”

What did Ashe know about what he wanted? What did Ashe know about him at all? They’d just been classmates. Now, they were soldiers, cracked, brittle little soldiers about to break. 

That was the truth of it, though, wasn’t it? Ashe knew nothing, but they were all worn down to their most basic elements. Felix was probably as obvious as any of the rest of them as this point.

He almost laughed at that. Once, he’d thought himself above this sort of thing. He’d regarded it as some primal, base instinct, a need to be filled from time to time and little more. Now, it sounded like an outrageous luxury, a lofty ideal far out of the reach of a doomed little soldier waiting to die. 

Except it wasn’t out of reach. Not tonight. 

“Fine.” 

Ashe actually startled at that, backing away at last, his teasing mirth quieting to something more serious. 

“What?”

“Fine,” Felix said. “Or were you not actually serious?”

“I was serious,” Ashe said. “I just never imagined you were.” 

Felix shrugged. “Who cares?” 

The mirth returned, a fractured smile that added more lines to Ashe’s face. Each one was so gods damned beautiful Felix could scream. 

Felix stood. He was done talking. Perhaps Ashe would follow, perhaps he wouldn’t, but it wasn’t Felix’s problem anymore. 

He stumbled toward his tent. It wasn’t until he crawled inside that he confirmed that Ashe had followed. For a moment they just sat there. It was so dark inside the tent, now cramped with two occupants rather than one, that all Felix could see was a shifting of darkness, a slight softening in the canopy of night everywhere that was Ashe and not bleak nothingness. 

Felix shoved his belongings to one side. He had nothing but weapons and spare clothing at this point, and precious little of that latter. Even with the space cleared, though, they sat nearly knee to knee, facing each other silently. It was like a duel, Felix thought, one he wasn’t sure how to win. 

“Well, I’m here,” Ashe said. 

“Are you going to make me keep talking?” Felix said.

“No, not unless that’s what you want.”

“It’s not.”

Ashe laughed behind his hand, a pretty gesture. “I didn’t suspect it was, but it doesn’t seem like you really want anything.” 

“I want to stop talking.” 

“Yeah?” Ashe said. “Why?”

“If you want nothing more than to frustrate me, leave,” Felix said. “I thought this was clear.” 

“Oh, it is,” Ashe said. “I just enjoy watching you sit there squirming.”

Felix refused to keep responding and continue this inane game. Maybe this was something Ashe needed. Maybe the banter was a thing he enjoyed. But it was not what Felix enjoyed and he could just as easily sleep as fuck at this point.

Ashe crawled forward, his hands on Felix’s thighs. Ashe stayed on all fours, peering up. Despite the gloom, Felix could make out the green of his eyes now, the chaos of his freckles, persistent and boyish, clashing against everything else about Ashe, about this war, about what they’d face tomorrow. How did something like freckles endure? It was as outrageous as everything else about Ashe. Felix despised it. 

He ran his thumb over Ashe’s cheek, calloused skin brushing against those improbable flecks. 

“I very nearly worked up the nerve to talk to you before all this, before the war,” Ashe said. “It might have been nice.” 

“Maybe.”

“This won’t be nice, will it?”

Felix didn’t know if he meant this night or the war in general, but it didn’t change his answer. “No,” he said. “Probably not.” 

Ashe pressed on Felix’s thighs, straining up. Felix lowered to meet his mouth. It was so soft Felix couldn’t feel it for a moment and had to press harder. Ashe murmured against his lips when he did. 

When they parted, Ashe sighed out a breath, just from that. He moved a hand from Felix’s thigh to his neck, pressing his forehead against Felix’s. From so close, his words went right down Felix’s throat and into his gut. 

“Fuck me like we’re about to die.” 

Felix didn’t bother pointing out that was likely true. He surged into action, crashing against Ashe’s mouth, pressing so hard Ashe moaned this time. Ashe wrapped both arms around Felix’s neck, climbing into his lap, spreading his legs so he could rock over Felix. Felix snaked his hands down until he felt the swell of Ashe’s ass, then hiked him closer, their lips never parting in the frantic positioning of bodies. 

It was Ashe who pushed away, moving his hands to Felix’s shoulders for leverage. He ground down atop Felix’s lap. Felix could do little but cling to his ass and encourage him along.

Ashe paused long enough to peel his own shirt off over his head and Felix glimpsed the trail of freckles trickling down his neck and across his chest. His mouth watered, but he didn’t get a chance to lunge. Ashe tugged at Felix’s shirt, pulling it up over his head and tossing it aside. 

Felix knew he was thin, probably too thin. They all were now. Yet as Ashe gazed at him he chewed at his lip, smile turning drunken. 

“Gods, it’s stupid that someone like you looks like this,” Ashe said.

“What does that mean?” 

Ashe’s smile curled. “It’s means you’re an idiot and sometimes an asshole and that hasn’t made me want you any less.” 

“Flattered.” 

“You should be.” 

Ashe pushed him down then so Felix lay on his back in the tent.

“I’m gonna ride you better than you deserve,” Ashe said. 

Felix did not respond, too afraid to dissuade whatever madness was compelling Ashe to act. In fact, Felix said and did relatively little after that point. It was Ashe who undressed him, Ashe who stroked him to hardness, Ashe who slicked them both up so he could squeeze Felix’s cock inside himself. And though Felix clung to his hips, it was Ashe pressing crescents into Felix’s chest as he braced to leverage against him. 

For all his smug assurance, Ashe’s face turned bright as he eased down Felix’s cock and started riding him. He gasped as he rolled his hips, a long, slow, teasing motion that also had Felix dragging in a harsh breath. 

The next time Ashe lowered, he just kept going and going, taking all of Felix inside him. Felix groaned, arching, feet pressing for purchase against the cold ground beneath them. Ashe’s motion was smooth and practiced. He rolled his hips, moaning as he did, hot and tight around Felix. 

Felix reached up, pulling Ashe down against his chest. The sudden motion got a surprised gasp from Ashe. Then he smiled against Felix’s lips, kissing him as they rocked against each other. It was slow and close. They clung to each other, kissing with only their lips – no tongues or teeth. Yet that was enough. 

Gods, they weren’t even fucking, were they? They were … they were … “being intimate,” as Dimitri might say. 

The thought left Felix reeling. Now was not the time for that. The night before they likely died was not the time to “make love,” or whatever sentimental bullshit people said. Not because it wasn’t effective. The heat in Felix’s gut and tremble in his limbs attested to its efficiency. No, it was something to be avoided because it could only possibly make the future even harder endure. 

Felix flipped them. It was a bit harsh and hasty. Ashe let out an “oof” as his back hit the ground. But Felix needed to be on top now, pushing Ashe’s legs apart and back, pounding into him, rasping over him rather than leaving their mouths softly intertwined. 

Ashe arched, eye squeezing shut. His ankles were on Felix’s shoulders, ass slightly elevated as Felix bent him nearly in half to slam into him. 

“Fuck,” Ashe rasped. “Oh, Felix, fuck, fuck.” 

That was better. So much better. Ashe was clawing now, digging his nails into Felix’s arms. He whined and moaned, head tossed back. Felix went on jarring him against the ground, grunting as he jolted into him. 

Ashe reached between them, gripping his cock. But then his other hand came up, pulling Felix down. Felix only had an instant to marvel at Ashe’s flexibility, then their mouths were pressed back together, lips hot. 

It was that gods damned kiss that did it. Felix hated it, but he could not stop it. The warmth in his mouth flooded through him, shooting down to his cock, already buried deep inside Ashe. Ashe clenched around him, his cry quivering into Felix’s mouth and shattering the final tenuous threads of Felix’s control. He broke, filling Ashe, moaning helplessly into his mouth, still kissing him as Ashe spilled over both of them. 

The warmth was everywhere, around Felix’s cock, on his stomach, in his mouth. Ashe chased away the chill of the night, the cold reality of what lay before them, and Felix pressed closer, even as their pleasure passed and they were left with nothing but ragged breaths and the cooling mess on their skin. 

Felix eventually managed to pull out, shivering as the cold swept back in to claim him. But Ashe reached up, unashamed, unencumbered, and pulled Felix down atop his chest. 

Felix could have pushed away, should have pushed away. They were filthy and exhausted and comrades, just comrades, soldiers on the same side of a war, nothing else, nothing more. 

Yet he stayed. 

“Don’t make me go,” Ashe said. “It’s just for tonight. It won’t matter in the morning.” 

Ashe stayed for the entire night. 

“If we die, what difference will this even make?” Ashe said. “Let’s just pretend.”

Ashe stayed, huddled close to Felix. Felix let Ashe stroke his back, let Ashe linger in his arms, let Ashe fall asleep against his chest, his breath a soft brush against Felix’s skin. 

“It’s probably meaningless either way,” Ashe said, “so why not indulge just this once?”

It might make the next day all the more horrible, but it warmed that single night, a pocket of comfort amid a storm of horrors.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/purplebookcover) (18+ please).
> 
> I respond to every comment. Thank you, friends!
> 
> Did you know there’s an actual Ashelix Week coming up??? Oct 17-24, 2020, will be Ashelix Week. Come create some good, good Ashelix.


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